Exclusion or Inclusion?

I came across this statement on a sign a few weeks ago and it immediately got lodged deep in my gray matter and then periodically surfaced in a wide variety of situations and conversations afterwards. The longer I held on to this simple statement and attempted to apply it, the more profound it became! The statement read:

At the end of the day, I’d rather be excluded for who I included, than included for who I excluded

If you have been following my posts for some time you might be saying, “the old man seems to hit on the topics of prejudice, judgement of others, and exclusion a lot!” Your observation and memory skills are excellent! I believe these are three of the most destructive factors driving the growing division within this most amazing country in which we are privileged to call home. Please bear with me because these topics will probably continue to show up in various forms in my future writings!

I vividly remember one of my first experiences with exclusion, an incident that occurred all the way back in elementary school! Several of us kids were subtly excluding and at times made fun of a classmate who stuttered and tended to play by himself. A very sensitive and caring teacher, Miss Ready, confronted several of us one day on the playground, but we acted like we had no idea what she talking about.

Later Miss Ready asked me to stay a few minutes after school because she wanted to talk with me about something. She explained that she was quite disappointed in me because she was surprised that I was participating in that “cruel” behavior! Initially I was somewhat angry that she singled me out to talk to, but following her sermon she said, “I chose to talk with you individually because I felt you might have the courage to confront this hurtful behavior and maybe even reach out to Richard.” I don’t know for sure if she really believed that or it was a setup. Either way it worked—at least halfway!  

I don’t remember challenging any of the other kids in the group partly because I was as guilty as anyone else. Or possibly I had a fear of being excluded from the group myself. However, I did gather the nerve to invite Richard over to my house to see my pet garter snakes; in fact, I eventually “loaned” him one. Important information: pet snakes may gain you a lot of points with friends but seldom with the mothers of those same friends!  

As it turned out Richard was quite intelligent, loved to do experiments, and his father had an auto repair business that provide us a kind of “experimental lab” on Saturdays! In hindsight, I can’t remember Richard stuttering when we hung out together! This is yet another example of a fantastic friendship I would have missed out on if I had stuck with the exclusive, prejudiced views I was handed. 

I learned some critical life lessons in the midst of that experience that I didn’t fully appreciate at the time but have stuck with me to this day. Miss Ready taught us much more than reading and writing, including that doing the right thing even when it means going against your peer group can be called “courage”!

Exclusion and inclusion continue to be a big issue for me, perhaps even more so in recent times as our country has become increasingly polarized and divided. The clearly-stated exclusions are one thing and in some ways more likely to be addressed; however, it’s often the more subtle exclusions that for a variety of reasons (or excuses) never get named or challenged! Unfortunately, courage is a scarce commodity and exclusions not named for what they are, over time often become norms!

These days when I come up against ostracism or marginalization, the question that comes to me is, Who decides who “should” be excluded and are those the folks I value most at this point in my journey? 

If I attempt to include folks who they aren’t comfortable with, approve of, or simply don’t understand will I suddenly be judged or possibly excluded? And what would be the result if this does, in fact, happen and I am excluded for my inclusion of others? Could I use this experience of exclusion to grow my understanding of what it feels like to be excluded?

For those of us who believe there is a God, the question of “who decides?’ comes front and center! People of all different religions and beliefs use God as the justification for their exclusion of others based on their differing beliefs, actions, or lifestyles. The fact that “God” supposedly requires us to exclude different often contradictory groups challenges us to take a closer look at our understanding of God, what I call our “God Image”.  

Some colleagues actually take offense with the term “God Image” and most of these folks feel their understanding of God is the absolute correct one, leaving no room for “images” (perceptions) of God. This leaves everyone who doesn’t agree with “their God” as “outside the fold”. Consequently, their interpretation of the sacred text isn’t an interpretation at all, but rather the correct and only way to read it. With that being the case, many of these folks will quote scripture supporting their stance on exclusions, basically judging who is or isn’t fit to be accepted into “the fold”. They obviously feel they need to take on the role of judge, perhaps fearing that if they didn’t they may be judged unworthy by their God!

Photo by Saimy Patel on Unsplash.com

There are others whose God Image is that of a more inclusive and far less judgmental deity. They interpret the sacred text differently—concentrating on God’s unconditional love and grace—which leads them to a far different mandate: radical inclusion. These folks are often adept at accepting and including people with all kinds of differences, but even they sometimes judge those who they label as too judgmental and exclusive!

In my own journey to get to know this Sneaky God, I have consistently been challenged to expand the boundaries of which of God’s other creations I am able to include, embrace, and love. I can’t help but wonder if our decision to exclude folks who look, act, think, believe or are “different” enough from us in any way actually based on God’s will for us or is it perhaps rooted in the threat to our false sense of security? It certainly has been for me all too often.

As I have explained in some of my previous posts, I will often run my ideas by a few select friends before publication as this has proven invaluable and often added important perspectives to the posts. This time was no exception. After reading the draft, a more recent friend said, “It would read quite differently if you changed ‘the’ to ‘my’ and added an ‘s’ to ‘day’!” This is how it reads after I made the suggested changes:

At the end of my days, I’d rather be excluded for who I included than be included for who I excluded

That certainly adds a new dimension to this provocative proclamation!  

QUESTIONS FOR DEEPENING THE SPIRITUAL JOURNEY

1. What is your earliest experience of exclusion? Were you on the excluding or excluded side? What early lessons do you think this created for you?
2. Do you think recognizing it as a “courageous” or heroic act would make it easier to stand up against exclusion? Why or why not?
3. Have you ever seen someone else exhibit the courage to speak out about exclusion? Did you talk to them afterwards about the courage they showed? If so, how did they react? If not, why not? How do you think they might have felt if you had?
4. Have you ever stood up in defense of someone being excluded? What was the reaction of the excluder(s)? The excluded? How did you feel about your action afterwards? 
5. Have you ever failed to act when you saw someone being excluded? How did you feel afterwards? What held you back? How might you do things differently if given a second chance?
6. How does your God Image (your understanding of God) influence if and who you exclude? Do you think God would like you to be more or less exclusive? Why?
7. Do you believe God loves us unconditionally or do you feel that you might be excluded from God’s love if you don’t have the “correct” beliefs or actions? Are your head and heart in agreement on that question (is what you think different from how you feel)? 

Banner Photo by Markus Spiske on Unsplash.com