A growing number of healthcare professionals have been telling me for years the importance of stretching on a regular basis and especially critical as we age. In fact, I have gradually incorporated a few stretching exercises into my daily routine as I have now begun to accept that at some point in this life journey I’m going to start aging!
As important as physical stretching is for our body, I strongly believe that stretching ourselves in many other ways is extremely important and beneficial for our mental, relational, and every other aspect of our person (to learn more about those aspects, check out the first of my ten posts on Total Wellness.
Ongoing stretching has been an incredible blessing in my life; actually, it has gradually transformed my core personality! Sometimes the stretch opens up new possibilities or possible alterations; other times it inspires greater appreciation for what I already have. Always it leads to learning and growth, encourages flexibility, keeps stagnation and boredom at bay, and is the best fountain of youth that I know of!
So when stretching is so good for us, why do we consciously or unconsciously decide to ignore the endless opportunities we encounter daily to grow our person? One of the many advantages of being a therapist for 50 years is the opportunity to learn from the answers patients give when you challenge them to grow or stretch! While they give many reasons and combinations of “excuses”, almost all of them come down to one thing: fear. Fear of being laughed at, of being hurt physically, and probably most commonly, fear of failure.
The fear of failure is usually based on the expectations we place on ourselves, expecting expert performance right off the bat. Letting go of expectations and giving ourselves permission to fail—even spectacularly—transforms the entire experience into play, just like we did when we were children! I can honestly say that once I understood this and began challenging both my clients and myself to set very realistic goals—which could always be readjusted later—essentially nobody regretted their stretching efforts!
Reflecting on the amazing and often transformative growth I have experienced through my own stretching attempts, there are far too many to even know where to start. Rita and I have met—and in some cases build cherished friendships with—extremely interesting folks often very different in many ways than ourselves (you’ll have seen me refer to them in past posts as “characters”, a term of endearment in my opinion!). Their differentness often became fertile ground for yet more stretching!
Our choice to move to Willow Valley Communities was in many ways prompted by the wide selection of “stretching opportunities” it offers. Before we made our decision, we attended an expo which provided the many (over 100!) resident-led groups a forum to explain and in some cases demonstrate what personal growth options were available. There we met Carolyn, who shared her commitment and excitement about teaching folks to play the mountain dulcimer.
Over 40 years ago, Rita bought me a mountain dulcimer as a gift. I made a half-hearted attempt and quickly put it on a closet shelf. Meeting Carolyn led us to our decision to not sell that dust collector and bring it along to our new home. For me this has been pure stretching! With no musical background to build on, I’ll never be a great player and if that was my intention, I’d be setting myself up for disappointment. But my present goal is simply to be able to play a song that one of our grandsons will actually recognize and say, “I know that song Pop-O!” I think that is a realistic goal? I still haven’t reached it, but I get nearer all the time!
Not only is Willow Valley brimming with stretching opportunities but also with people taking advantage of them—often in the face of significant challenges—who are a daily inspiration to me. John was one of the very first people I met, even before moving in. He welcomed me warmly and responded enthusiastically to my many questions. It immediately became clear that John was blind, which in no way put a damper on his excitement about taking in all that he possibly could at WV. In fact, he told me that he and his wife Diane were currently in a fencing class! Now, it’s important to remember that John is blind; I couldn’t help wondering if possibly his shirt was covering several holes in his chest? John clearly doesn’t allow his physical limitations to stand in the way of his amazing desire to stretch himself! And Diane—in being married to this venturesome character—is getting stretched in a variety of ways herself. By their example, these two folks continue to motivate me to continue my own “stretching”!
One of the of the most challenging to begin and consequently most transformative stretching decisions Rita and I made together years ago was to explore other faith traditions whenever the opportunity presented itself. Some folks questioned the wisdom of this, apparently worrying it might challenge our faith. But, in our opinion, if our beliefs can’t hold up to different or opposing viewpoints, how secure can we be in them?
Our decision to winter in Florida for several years was the perfect opportunity for us to satisfy this desire. Together we would pick out worshiping communities that we felt would definitely stretch and hopefully nurture and enrich our own faith journeys, most likely in different ways! We worshiped with Unitarian Universalists, Unitarians, Southern Baptists, Methodists, etc.
For me the biggest stretch and consequently one of the most beneficial was attending worship at The Cowboy Church (it’s official, published name!) near where we were wintering. The directions sounded fairly simple; they were not! As we weaved through the endless cattle pastures, it became crystal clear why Florida is one of the top states in beef production!
Eventually we passed through the gate complete with steer horns on the huge log over the entrance to the muddy parking lot filled four-wheel trucks and made our way to the worship space—a large barn!—where we were welcomed by two formal greeters, Prince and Dolly, two beautiful horses who poked their heads from their respective stalls and seemed genuinely excited to see us!
The barn was packed, with the only available seats on straw bails near the back (in contrast to most church settings where most of the empty pews are up front!). The worship leaders were a husband/wife team, I believe the owners of this very large cattle ranch.
The woman began by asking the congregation to share where they had encountered God recently. Immediately a young woman who wasn’t a member stood and shared with obvious emotion how a group of members had basically “saved” her and her two children from a life on the streets. They helped get the family housing, food, a job and a “loving and supportive church family”. The congregation erupted in applause and cheering.
Next a rather confident senior woman, chair of the Member Support Committee, stood and pointed out that none of them had signed up requesting help in the last couple of weeks. “Obviously we are good at reaching out to folks in the community which is what we are called to do as followers of Jesus,” she said, “BUT we are lousy at asking for help ourselves!” She made it clear that she was sure some of them were struggling and consequently she expected to hear from some of them before the end of the day.
Photo by Denise I on Unsplash.com
The pastor started out, “You probably have no plans for later on because of the continuing rain so get comfortable it’s going to be a long sermon!” He wasn’t joking, 90 minutes later we tried to sneak out since we had an early lunch commitment with friends. He noticed us leaving and stopped the sermon to thank us for coming! Some of the theology proclaimed in his sermon wasn’t consistent with what we have come to believe in our faith journey; however, we felt blessed and “stretched” in ways we never would have been if we’d kept to the traditional services we were familiar with.
Over the years several of our friends and colleagues have questioned the value and reason for this practice on our part. In the case of our visit to The Cowboy Church, we both came away with important takeaways. Even though the theology there wasn’t always aligned with our own, we had been deeply challenged to think about what it means for a community to embrace struggling people, address their very practical needs, and include them in their community. And the Member Support leader’s challenge to ask for help, not just offer it, was one that particularly hit home since it is something I wrestle with personally. We also gained a greater appreciation for fifteen-minute sermons!!
Actually, I don’t think we fully understand the breadth and depth of growth and healing we can experience if we commit to stretching ourselves in as many different ways as we possibly can. Fears, insecurity, and just simple uncomfortableness often stand in the way of venturing into new experiences, activities and to some degree, new relationships. But if we are able to gather the courage to step out into virgin territory and overcome our fears, we can discover whole new territories we never knew existed.
If you have chosen to stretch yourself and experienced positive growth, please consider sharing that in the comments. Hearing other folks’ stretching successes provides the rest of us with inspiration, ideas, and courage for our own journeys!
QUESTIONS FOR DEEPENING THE SPIRITUAL JOURNEY
- Think of a time where you stretched yourself. What was the result at the time, how did it affect you, what ripple effects did you perceive in others or across time?
- What hidden benefits do you think stretching could have?
- Do you see any risks to stretching? Do you believe these fears are justified? Why or why not?
- Have you experienced negative effects from stretching? If so, what were they and what do you think caused them? Is there anything you could do to prevent that in the future?
- Of the 10 aspects of life I use in my wellness work (physical, emotional, mental, spiritual, relational, vocational, financial, “fun”-al (play), environmental and communal), in which do you find stretching easiest? Hardest? Are you happy with your current level of stretching and challenging yourself? Why or why not?
- How have you stretched yourself spiritually? How might you?
- What specifically holds you back from stretching? Can you commit to starting one new stretching exercise this month? If so, what is it?
The woman on the worship team in the Florida Cowboy Church asked everyone to reflect on a recent encounter with God. Reminded me of Pope Francis’ emphasis on the importance of the “encounter.” The encounter with God which usually happens in the encounter with the other.